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10 Communication Patterns Couples Need to Change Instantly

Relationship therapist says that Relationships need regular and persistent effort to have strong emotional connection. As per Psychologists, relationships don’t get build overnight. Respect, Trust, Healthy communication, honesty, financial stability, love etc. plays a significant role in making relationships satisfying. Communication mistake may harm the relationship in a way, which may leave no point of return.

As per Psychologist, Healthy communication is an essential ingredient to strengthen relationships. Couples at times intentionally or unintentionally get into a communication pattern that damages their relationship slowly and slowly. Then couples struggle to communicate and feel dissatisfied at the end of the conversation. Dysfunctional communication among couples may lead to anxiety symptoms and other mental health problems.

As per research by couple therapists having an insight into ones manner of communication is healthy or unhealthy is a significant step towards improving oneself. This article written by a clinical psychologist & a marriage counsellor will help you understand and evaluate your pattern and manner of communication, so it will be easy for you to identify communication errors. Following are questions that you can ask yourself to understand if you make the following mistakes while communicating with your partner:

Question 1: Do you accuse, blame, and complaint your partner during conversation?

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Do You Accuse & Blame

While you two are talking do you say to him repeatedly that “you don’t understand me”, “You never make the first call”, “you never praise me’ etc.

Question 2: While discussing the present problem, do you bring past events and problems etc?

and then leave the present issue? As per Psychologists, brining in past events during the present situations, may lead to more conflicts in a relationship. Do you make this communication mistake?

Question 3: Do you get into power struggle, where you want to win the argument with your partner?

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Power Struggle

Power struggle may be there because of feeling of insecurity. There is a need in both the partners i.e. the need of self-affirmation as per Psychologists. This may lead to increased focus on self and this in turn may lead to accusing the partner and you want to prove yourself right.

Question 4: Do you put your partner intentionally or unintentionally put each other down during the communication.

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By choosing wrong words, tone and volume. Attacking the partner’s character, instead of talking about the issue in hand, which may make your partner feel disrespected and rejected in a relationship. This is a significant communication mistake done by couples.

Question 5: Do you give statements and conclusions while in communication? If yes that this is a communication mistake

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Negative Feedback Through Statements

Instead of asking questions like “I don’t need your advise”, “I am going to buy this” etc, many couples give statements during a conflict. Giving statements and not asking opinion of the partner may make the partner feel unwanted and he/she may feel that you are not concerned about him/her.

Question 6: Do you make negative assumptions while in conversation with your partner for example concluding that he is saying negative to you or trying to correct you?

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Negative Assumptions

So without even understanding the intention behind the words during the conversation one of the partners starts assuming that he/she already knows what the partner wants to say, so there is no need to hear him/her.

Question 7: Do you listen to each other fully or do you listen half and start reacting?

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Do You Avoid Active Listening

So your partner says something and you don’t try to hear it out completely. Listening only to win the argument and show how better you can answer back your partner, is a common problem reported in relationships by marriage counselor. This is one of the biggest communication mistake

Question 8: Do you say things casually while talking?

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Do You Mean What You Say

While in a conflicting situation saying “I want separation” and then later about the same statement you say that you didn’t mean what you say. It was only in anger. Do you mean what you say and say what you mean”

Question 9: Do you have a negative body language while you converse with your partner.

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Negative Body Language

Do you stare or avoid eye-contact or appear as if you are not interested? As per Psychologists 90 % of the message that we want to convey to our partner lies in our body language. Do you turn toward your partner or turn away while your partner is expressing something plays a significant role in how he perceives your interest in the conversation.

Question 10: Do you appreciate and remember the efforts of your partner?

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Verbal and nonverbal way of acknowledging your partner’s efforts are ignored? Everybody needs appreciation and praise. Both the partners look forward to get acknowledgement from each other in a relationship and the absence of the same can lead to having negative feelings for each other.

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The above questions would help you understand and introspect your communication pattern. You will be able to understand that you give and emotional reaction or a logical reaction to a situation. As per Relationship counselors identifying the area of problem in a relationship is the first step to work towards a healthy relationship.

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