Possessiveness in a relationship is something where a person finds it really difficult to share the person whom he/she loves. It’s really difficult for the person to see his/her loved one giving significance to some other person. A person who is possessive is insecure regarding his loved one and there is significant fear of losing the loved one. It’s an emotionally draining process to live with the fear of losing a loved one. With this fear the person starts comparing, spying, lose trust etc. The relationship suffers, as everyone needs space and freedom. Because of possessiveness the partner, who needs some space feels suffocated. The more one is dependent on the other person, more the other person moves away.
There are certain ways in which one can work on one’s possessiveness and dependency:
Have a fresh start: May be you had negative experiences in the past, but start a new relationship with freshness. Try to keep in your mind that the new person you are with is a different person with different thinking, behavior, values and personality traits. By repeating past incidents in your mind you will not be able to have a fresh start. So leave the past behind and re-start.
Avoid being over-bearing in a Relationship: If you keep worrying or thinking regarding whether your partner loves you or not, miss you or not, it will affect your relationship with your partner. Your partner may feel irritable and disturb while constantly trying to make you understand that how important you are to him. Too much of dependency would make you assess his/her each and every reaction, which will lead to him/her feel suffocated.
Have priorities for yourself: Have other priorities for your-self. Live your own life as well. The relationship is only a part of your life, it’s not your life. Have certain hobbies, goals, interests, friends and family also as a significant part of your life. It can be great to have a time for self-growth.
Avoid negative emotions: When you are in a relationship with possessiveness comes lot of other emotions like sadness, jealousy, anxiety etc. If you constantly remain in a cycle where you compare how your partner is happier with his/her friend/family and not with you, you will more feel worse. Understand your worth and have a positive self-image.
Avoid forcing your partner to change: At times, I see that people want their partner to change his behavior and do certain things. When you knew your partner, while you started the relationship then why to force someone. You can express to your partner regarding how his/her behavior affects you.
Find the root of your possessive behavior in a relationship: There is a reason behind why we are the way we are. Is it because you see yourself unworthy of someone’s love, negative experience in past relationship or something in childhood. This introspective process is important to understand your behavior.
Trust your relationship: Trust yourself first and then your partner. No relationship can work without trust. If your partner re-assures you believe him/her, until and unless he or she does something which you can’t take at all. Avoid making judgments just on the basis of assumptions.
Avoid Spying : A lot of people try to find out ways to check there partners messages. Many people also ask their partners facebook and instagram passwords. They spend a lot time in checking and spying, which again has a negative impact on the quality of relationship.
Have an open dialogue in a Relationship: Discuss your fears and insecurities with your partner without blaming or criticizing him/her. Share your feelings and concerns and once your partner re-assures believe him or her. Its important to listen and feel heard.
Your partner is an individual in himself or herself. Having a healthy relationship with yourself helps in improving relationship with others. If you find it hard to reflect and find out what makes you feel so possessive and insecure than it’s a suggestion to visit a psychologist, as a mental health professional will help you figure out causes and will facilitate beginning of a change which in turn will strengthen your relationships.